Where are all the male dominant bloggers?
2010 25 Jan
Today I had a thought that stopped me in my tracks: I don’t believe I have ever read a single blog post by a male-identified BDSM dominant and/or sadist. I’ve kept this blog for over a year now, and y’all can see from the blogroll on the right-hand side that I’ve encountered a fair number of cool sex blogs; but I don’t recall ever seeing a male top’s blog.
Off the top of my head, I can think of many (oft-updated!) examples of the other combinations. For female bottoms there is of course myself, and violetwhite writes in a lovely, highly personal style. Female tops also represent: over a year after I found it, I can still recall my electrifying first reading of Trinity at SM-Feminist; a trio of clever female tops recently started a group effort called Topologies. And it’s not like it’s just women writing sex blogs — for male bottoms there’s the amazing activist maymay at Maybe Maimed But Never Harmed, the eloquent Orlando at In Scarlet Ink, my adorable college and Chicago-based friend Danny at Sex, Art and Politics, and the always-incisive Thomas of Yes Means Yes fame. And then there’s the queer butch top Sinclair “Sugarbutch” Sexsmith; and I have never seen a trans person’s blog strictly dedicated to BDSM, but Chicago’s own extraordinary Hazel/Cedar sometimes notes her kink experience as a BDSM-switch.
It’s certainly not that analytical, intelligent, well-spoken (and -written) male tops don’t exist. They definitely do. I mean, I’m in a position to know.
Wait, wait, I just thought of one — a dear friend, Sammael in Atlanta. How could I forget him? Well, I forgot him (briefly) because he almost never posts; I definitely wouldn’t know about his blog if I wasn’t real-life friends with him. I’ll have to email him and ask why ….
Because that is the question, isn’t it? Why?
Are they out there, and am I just missing them? But in all the sex-positive blog posts I’ve read, surely there should have been one citation of a male top’s post, sometime, somewhere. Or do they just feel that they have nothing to contribute?
In my masculinity series, I mentioned that I once met a cis male BDSMer who said, “Why bother talking about male sexuality? It’s the norm. Fish don’t have a word for water.” As it happens, he’s a top. Is that how many male tops feel? Certainly, anti-BDSM radical feminists will claim that our society is centered on, even encourages male tops — an assertion that is, I think, born from a complete misunderstanding of what BDSM is plus total failure to recognize the stigma around it. (Take this quotation from well-known BDSM writer Jay Wiseman about his coming-out experience, when he started recognizing his own kinky desires: “I decided to keep myself under surveillance. I made up my mind that I was not going to hurt anybody. If I thought I was turning into someone that would harm somebody else, then I would either put myself in a mental institution or commit suicide. And thus I lived, waiting and watching to see if I was turning into someone that I needed to shoot.”)
Is it partly that they fear misinterpretation, fear being seen as abusers? Certainly, as a female submissive I’ve always felt hyperaware of how my experiences could potentially be read as Supporting The Patriarchy. And I dated one mostly-vanilla guy for two years who enjoyed being somewhat dominant/sadistic in bed, but who was absolutely appalled by the idea of other people seeing him as a top. Indeed, I — being a rather straightforward girl — am often read as dominant (especially by people unfamiliar with BDSM), and in public situations my ex would deliberately play that up such that most people, if they knew about the BDSM thing, assumed I was the domme.
Is it that male tops are blogging but unlikely to be part of the sex-positive blogosphere, because they are unlikely to be familiar with (or unlikely to subscribe to) the feminist language/viewpoint that anchors the community? This feels to me like it might be true …. Maybe because — as I’ve pointed out before — the more stereotypical a man’s sexual identity (and sexual dominance, while stigmatized in its own right, is certainly more stereotypical for a man than submission), the less likely he is to examine gender issues and thence be attracted to feminism. But if that’s the case, what communities are they part of?
But still, among those analytical, intelligent, well-spoken (and -written) male tops that I’ve known, at least as many have been feminist as the analytical, intelligent male bottoms, female tops, and female bottoms I’ve known. So, back to square one: they exist, but for some reason aren’t writing blogs about their male toppish experiences.
Or are they? I’d like to hear more about the experiences of male tops. I hope I’m wrong and/or misinformed, and there’s lots of relevant blogs out there. Post ‘em if you got ‘em, friends.
UPDATE: Since writing this post, I have determined that there is actually no shortage of male dominant blogs. The question of how I missed them all is … a question for another day.
Tags: BDSM, blogosphere, coming out, community, feminism, masculinity
Monk. He’s Matisse’s other partner and co-podcast host and general Seattle scene fixture. I’ll admit I have not read regularly for a while, but he’s a cis male, he tops and he blogs about it.
I think you’re totally right: male dominant bloggers are the expected norm, and so it’s not like they have much of a need to go loudly shouting from the rooftops, “I’m not like you! Give me a word for what I am! I am trying to figure this shit out and you’re not helping!”, the way I’ve done for years.
That said, there are some eloquent male top bloggers. I really enjoyed Mischief‘s writing, when he was still writing, but from what I gather he got frightened—as most dominant men who are out do—that his actions would be frowned upon, so he stopped blogging.
And can we blame them? In a world where British Airways policies already assume men are pedophiles, dominant men have a lot to fear from the hegemony, even though they are, in fact, the hegemonic paradigm! How sadly ironic.
FYI: Your link to Topologies is broken.
To be fair to your question, I identify as a dominant sadomasochist, so I do also bottom when the mood is right. :) As to lack of updates, it’s a few things:
1. Most of the time when I think of something I’d like to write about, it’s while driving. Not a good time to jot down notes.
2. I have lots of things that are sitting around in my drafts folder, unfinished thoughts that I never get around to finishing, and usually I forget that they are there. Like my post on the G-spot research the other day (not BDSM, I know) had been sitting there for quite a while before I remembered it.
3. I’m not sure anyone actually reads it, so I mostly feel compelled to write as a way of thinking things out. The writing equivalent of speaking out loud, I guess.
I’m not citing time here, because no one has any free time these days — we make time to do the things that are important to us.
And to your point, I’m not really sure why there aren’t more male dominant bloggers. I could venture guesses that are similar to what maymay suggests, but they’d be no more than that. I have noticed the same thing, though. My own mentor is a good writer and thoughtful man, but he keeps no blog (though his slave does). He just writes in online forums.
Occasionally I’ve read around on these blogs by hetero dom/top men:
http://bloodsexcrimson.com – Blood, sex, crimson, D’jaevle
http://www.coyotetoo.com – Coyote Too
http://okienawa.blogspot.com – Okie Nawa
http://thorney.blogspot.com – Thorney’s stuff (most of Thorney’s postings online aren’t in blog form)
http://vanillaextract.blogsome.com – 100% genuine artificial vanilla extract, Victor
http://www.washi-nawashi.com/washiword/blog-posts – Washi Nawashi, Dov
Is there a particular reason why you’re asking about writing in blog form? Or is it just a preferred form for you to read?
FYI, I prefer female pronouns these days, though I don’t mind ze & hir. And I’d frame it as being female/a woman, etc (I don’t mean to nitpick, I know it was well intentioned).
There’s another post of yours I mean to respond to, hopefully I’ll get to it?
Saynine just started blogging at http://say-nine.com/ . Pansexual Male Dominant. He’s only been blogging for a month, but has been on twitter longer.
There are quite a few male Dom/Top people on twitter. You can find many of them on the Fetlife twitter group.
Thanks for the links, everyone!
@Cedar — Got it, will fix the post.
@Ranai — Is there a particular reason why you’re asking about writing in blog form?
Is there a particular other form that comes to mind for you? I tend to be slightly more familiar with the blogosphere than most spheres, I guess.
@Thomas — Heh, I love this quotation from Monk: “… to all tops, rope or otherwise, what we do is dangerous. Do not get complacent, do not go cheap and always be ready for a disaster.”
While I’ve topped and I’ve even dominated people, I consider those activities and not identities.
I also do think that some of the reason many don’t blog is the “it is the norm” issue.
Also, I think a lot are asshats so I wouldn’t read them anyway. ^__^
Clarisse: You’re welcome and enjoy. It’s not a specific other form I have in mind, I’m more thinking that I find texts written by dominant men in lots of forms, in books in print, articles on websites, fictional stories, posts on discussion forums. Including, of course, texts by gay and bi dominant men, and by men who like submitting just as much.
Victor: I share the reservation about constructing identities out of preferences. I wish more people would resist the temptation. In my usage I don’t make a qualitative difference between activity and attribute. So I use ‘dominant’ as adjective or noun meaning ‘someone who enjoys dominating someone’: one attribute among many of a person.
@Victor — While I’ve topped and I’ve even dominated people, I consider those activities and not identities.
I’d love to hear you go into this more (you too, Ranai).
Also, I think a lot are asshats so I wouldn’t read them anyway.
Heh, given the emphasis I noticed in even the few posts I’ve already read on your blog, I can understand why.
http://diaryofaleatherman.blogspot.com/
This is Erin, he is a great guy who’s hyper aware of all sorts of issues about sexuality, gender, etc. This particular blog, however, is specifically from his identity as a male dominant. Very cool.
A blog by Shon Richards:
http://erotiterrorist.blogspot.com/
There’s Snowdrop of Snowdrop Explodes
http://afemanistview.blogspot.com/
Although he also writes about things other than BDSM.
Dreamwalker has a lovely, very poetic blog at http://dreamwalker.com/
Writing a blog and “talking about it” is inherently submissive. Literally you are submitting your thoughts, experiences, and insecurities to an unknown community.
On the other side, there is strength and power in mystery and silence. There is no need to talk about it.
Also, is it not possible that a more dominant-type person would be competitive and hard-driven in areas of life other than just sexuality? In other words, their main focus is on something else (like running a company). A sex blog might be seen by a dom as a strategic liability or at the least, a waste of time.
This is not to say that it IS a waste of time to write such a blog, but that it would be for the dom in question.
@Cypress: I think the question was specifically why so few male dominant bloggers, not why so few dominant bloggers — Clarisse points out that she has seen a number of blogs by female dominants. So though your points might be taken to answer the question, “Why are there fewer dominant bloggers than submissive bloggers?” that wasn’t the question being posed.
I’m also not sure that I agree that writing a blog and talking about it is an inherently submissive activity. Open, honest, and willingly-given communication is as important to being dominant as much as it is to being submissive. In my opinion, a good dominant is open with their fears, insecurities, and uncertainties — to be closed about them and/or to deny they exist speaks of an even deeper level of insecurity. That’s not to say that a dominant should go to lengths to present themselves as flawed, or to put heavy emphasis on their flaws; but rather, they should present themselves as human, complete with shortcomings.
@Cypress
What? That’s total bullshit. This reminds me of the aggravating idea that a “true submissive” would write “homework assignments” as part of a D/s relationship so their dominant partner can have insight into their lives, but the expectation is never passed in the other direction. Bullshit bullshit bullshit.
Also bullshit, but Sammael has already addressed this better than I can. The only thing I’ll add is that I feel my MaleSubmissionArt.com blog is one of the most empowering things I’ve ever written. There can be power and mystery in many things, not just silence.
Isn’t it possible that this is the exact same situation “a more submissive-type” person might be in? Come on.
Yeah, I have to say that I totally disagree with you, Cypress. And I’ll just add that I really don’t like it when people stereotype dominants and submissive as being dominant and/or submissive in the rest of their lives … assuming we even know what dominance or submission would look like outside the bedroom — for example, you stereotype writing a blog as “inherently submissive”. But I could easily see it being stereotyped as dominant because “dominants are more willing to speak up and speak out and attempt to imprint their will on the world”. Not that I actually agree with that stereotype, either.
I view writing a blog as neither inherently submissive, nor inherently dominant. To me, it is about making myself vulnerable and inviting others in on the ride of a lifetime that is, well, my life.
It does not matter if you are submissive or dominant; prying your chest open to show the world your beating heart takes courage and resilience. I do it because I need the feedback–I need the reality-check, if you will–on my experience. I firmly believe that writing has saved my sanity and it has also served as a therapist of sorts when I needed to process through things.
Much of the angst that came with finally admitting to myself that I am deeply and profoundly aroused by inflicting pain on women, that my perception of her suffering is that it is the most beautiful thing ever conceived, was processed right on the pages on my blog. Or rather, much of it was processed while reading the comments on my angst-ridden posts.
And it is on those pages I realized that I am not seeking her submission; I am seeking her unconditional surrender.
Is there an irony here typing out a reply that writing a blog is submissive then hitting the Submit Comment button?
I am a male top who blogs. My site is writingdirty.com and I post pretty regularly.
There are a few male rope tops with blogs, Graydancer coming to mind.
I’m an FtM myself, and created a WP blog a while back in order to jot down some thoughts about fully discovering that I have an interest in BDSM (specifically as a dom and a top). But as I currently lack any real-world experience, and update some blather less than once a month, I doubt I’d be especially interesting or useful to most people. My blog is mostly for navel-gazing; more-so than any other blog I’ve kept.
But in the process, yeah, I’ve discovered how very party-of-one I seem to be. Thanks for the link to Cedar’s blog, because if there are ANY other trans people out there blogging about kink, I’d sure like to find them. I seem to be terrible at locating people.
Fewer male-identified doms and tops blogging, yeah, definitely. Of course I wouldn’t know why this is, but I’m sure the ideas posted above are on the right track. (Well, except that I reject any tropes about how a lack of communication is “dominant.”)
I’ve noticed that male top blogs often seem to get less traffic. Perhaps that’s only my perception, but it seems submissive blogs gather “community” very quickly and easily if they communicate with others at all (everybody is interested in what the sub or bottom’s reaction is!); while male tops largely have to put up with speaking to silence for quite a while before gathering readers. That would be a bit of a disincentive, you’d think. (Assuming the blogger in question was posting to express himself and ask advice of others, rather than work out emotional issues with his sexuality.)
And I think it’s extremely difficult to write about dominating or topping someone in a way which doesn’t come off as abusive. Women seem to get more of a pass on this one, but I’ve still seen female doms get viciously attacked by commenters calling them scary, abusive sickos.
So I suspect that part of the reason male tops don’t blog is indeed what you’ve said about fears of being seen as abusive. Similar to the reason that most kinky stories are written from the point of view of the bottom or the sub – if they aren’t, you don’t get the bottom or sub’s inner reflection about what’s happening. You often just get a visual of them moaning/yelping/screaming/crying/begging/whatever. (And you can say “he/she likes it,” but why should the reader trust that second-hand opinion?) Writing from the top makes it difficult to get across the cues that tell the reader that Bad Shit isn’t happening.
(And I have to say that blogging to explore and express your sexuality loses a lot of therapeutic value when you open your email to, “This post made me want to throw up.”)
Hiya Clarisse, I recently came across this blog by Ludwig, a fellow countryman who writes in English. It’s full of interesting and entertaining content about his own experiences as a sadistic top and occasional switch, thoughts about spanking and BDSM, book and film reviews. Rohrstockpalast means ‘cane palace’. His mate Kaelah contributes regularly too. Enjoy.
http://rohrstockpalast.blogspot.com
Bean, please don’t be discouraged by negative feedback. Sadism is a scary thing, (even though – in the case of female tops – cutesified porn versions often try to make people believe otherwise), including for sadists themselves. You are a responsible adult who has decided to look this aspect of yourself in the face. Looking one’s sadism in the face takes courage. Your texts are good stuff.
@Ranai — Thanks. I’m thinking I might just do a “kink blogs open thread” at some point.
I might just do a “kink blogs open thread” at some point.
Sounds great to me!
A thing I’ve noticed, though I’m not sure yet how prevalent it really is: Posts about personal life tend to record good experiences and bad ones and so-so ones. Dominant men writing about something they aren’t so happy about appear – perhaps more than your garden variety blog writer – to be chosen targets for commenters admonishing them to quit whining already.
Apparently, according to these wits, dominant men aren’t allowed to have difficulties once in a while, or if they do, they aren’t allowed to say a peep about it.
Every blogger needs to deal with varieties of commenting nuttiness. This seems one of the phenomenons male doms need to learn to shrug off if they don’t wish to conform to a strong, silent (emotionless, inarticulate) cliché, but prefer to express themselves authentically, without glossing over the hard parts.
After stumbling onto your sight, while investigating a possible new sub, I thought I would give you some
…..Food for thought…… Ponder this… Many Dominant male tops have better things to do with their time
like finding clubs and dragging (woman) off to their caves to dominate them, instead of blogging.
If a question is asked, I give an answer. just as when I ask a question, I expect an answer.
Sitting around typing out my wish list,to do list,or what I will be doing to you or her list.
This is just not on my list of things to do. That takes away time from the person / persons that I’m with,
doing things too, that we both / all enjoy and love. The control factor has so many different levels and considerations.
To find a person willing to let you do literally anything you want to them, (there are many out here), is such a
wonderful, open and honest, (trusting) and real (non Vanilla) relationship. I have had the privledge of colaring some
real fantastic and very interesting woman in my life. I have lived this lifestyle for many years.
The closed minded, brain washed people in our society that look down their noses at people such as myself,
and the woman I have done such terrible, but wonderful things too. “”Those woman really loved every minute of what I did,
have done, and will continue to do again”"
( Like I said, I,m in between subs at the moment). That’s why I have time to drop you this tidbit.
I personally don’t give a rats ass what others in society think of me. Other than the person / persons I am with,
NO ONE ELSE MATTERS! It’s a shame what our society as a whole has become. I personally have been tired of all the
smoke and mirrors for many years. Life is too short to listen to what someone else dictates how you should live it….
Now, Now, Now, I know some of you just caught what I said , and some will come back with some dumb ass comment about how
I enjoy my relationships, by telling people what to do or by dominating and controlling them, or by humiliating them
( this list goes on and on….). To those who had that thought I say to you, enjoy your television sets,
get that latest designer fashion dress, and don’t forget to give some cash to that starving child that has been the same age
in that commercial for the last 30 years. And give some more money to those animals that they put down immediately
after they made that commercial. Stay in your own little boxes and be happy that gasoline will soon be three dollars
a gallon again. But, Life styles are lifestyles…If you like being tied up and fucked until your face turns purple,
then that’s what you should do. If you enjoy roll playing, again….yes, yes.. indulge.. If we are all of (LEGAL AGE) here,
then do what you enjoy until it hurts good !!! As far as well written and politically correct dialog.
I don’t comply with societies Idea of what their majorities norm is, so why then would I care if I say things in a way that
someone else decided how I should say it. I just tell it like it is, and that way more people will understand,
instead of half of the people reading things that I have written and them having to keep going to look up the meaning of words
they can’t understand. So, more will get what I’m putting down here, much sooner, and maybe just open more eyes quicker..
by just being direct and to to the point without someone having to go back to school for them to read what I have to say….
(((Hmmmmm, maybe that’s why people like me don’t blog…….)))) That and I live in the real world, not geek, computer,
blog, I need to make more online friends, I need to go and work my online farm, I need to let the world in on my life style
because I am proud of mine, happy with mine, enjoy the shit out of mine, more than theirs world….
I can remember when the only people that typed every day was a secretary…
I hope your stomachs are feeling fuller..
Any questions, feel (free) to ask… That could change more so, at some time… Are you all still with me?
Also, I am always real… (authentically) and there are no hard parts, well unless Ranai was talking about body parts..
I totally agree with Dreamwalkers comment about How he “realized that he was not seeking her submission; but seeking her
unconditional surrender. Sounds like you might be part of my club.
Hey if you need to sit and read about it, your not living it while your doing that.. Some may find it interesting reading,
I find it a very fulfilling and a great lifestyle. I’m sorry to ramble on about this and that.
But, bottom line, “Where are all the male dominant blogger’s ? Hopefully they are doing someone and getting done,
and smiling and enjoying life every day.. I’d rather be feeling her, instead of a keyboard……….
If I tied you up would you be begging me to untie you so you could go and type about it?
I think not, I believe I would have to leave you hanging for AWHILE LONGER UNTIL YOU WOULD SEE THINGS MORE CLEARLY!
They call me, MASTER, not ass master.
It does seem odd to me that people like “ass master” here don’t do more writing of their own, as they certainly don’t seem to do a whole lot of reading of the posts they choose to comment on. That said, this comment is actually exemplary of the blissfully ignorant belief that as long as you live your life in relative secrecy (I’ll note that this “ass master” has chosen to remain anonymous, and I don’t have to wonder why), “society” will just leave you alone to do as you will.
And then, of course, there’s something we call reality, which can be loosely defined as a complex set of interactions in which one person’s will rubs against others. On some level, “ass master” seems to recognize that this includes coercive restrictions on sexual freedoms, notably restrictions on what dominant men, submissive women, and anyone else with other sexualities can freely say and do without the mask of anonymity, whether in private or public. Yet, perhaps through incredible feats of self-justification or possibly merely laziness (I really can’t tell), “ass master” chooses to remain confident that somehow he is safe from society’s prejudices. That’s…well, it’s certainly food for thought. :)
I wonder, could the misguided belief that BDSM—or, hell, queerness of any kind—is somehow truly safer in anonymity than it is out of the closet really be so common among relatively privileged dominant men that most of them simply choose not to see the prejudice perpetrated against them by “mainstream” society? (Submissive men certainly don’t share that particular luxury.) In formal security parlance, we call this “security through obscurity,” and it is recognized as a totally ineffective and dangerous thing to rely upon.
To use Figleaf’s excellent phrasing, Even “ass master’s” tone seems to showcase the truth of this statement perfectly.
(Emphasis mine.)
Although I disagree with this characterization, I have to say I agree with this sentiment. As long as you’re not coercing or abusing people who have not given informed consent to participate in sexual behavior, then do what makes you happy. But, dear “ass master,” I think that you might consider reading (and, if you feel you can, replying constructively to), one of Clarisse’s recent posts: 5 Sources of Assumptions and Stereotypes About S&M. I think it may help you understand the importance of standing up for the marginalized subculture of which you are (sigh, I guess) a part.
Also, as an aside, I fucking love the idea of “roll playing” a role playing sex game. Now that’s sex geek heaven, I’d imagine. ;)
@Ass Master — If I tied you up would you be begging me to untie you so you could go and type about it?
I think not, I believe I would have to leave you hanging for AWHILE LONGER UNTIL YOU WOULD SEE THINGS MORE CLEARLY!
Wow. The world in which I allow someone who presumes that they could eliminate my analytical intelligence by tying me up to actually tie me up will never exist, you conceited jerk.
Also, maymay, I love you.
I have asked myself this question a lot. Try this one for starters:
http://monmouth.blogspot.com/
His post http://monmouth.blogspot.com/2009/10/for-today-i-am.html is fascinating.
Several years back I read a lot of sex blogs. Given my particular constitution most of them were BDSM-related. When I think back, most of the ones I came across were written by female subs. Or just females in general. I didn’t follow most of those — only when the woman was an exceptional writer.
One I did follow was by a male dom. Probably what drew me to it — plus, I recall his writing being eloquent and giving me shivers. I don’t recall his pseudonym or the blog name. He was mature, I think in his late 40′s or early 50′s. I recall he was from England. He recounted a long-distance relationship with a first-time-sub. It went well for a while but I think it ended a bit messily.
I stopped following blogs for a while and when I got back online his had gone dead. Later it disappeared entirely.
BDSM is called a lifestyle, but I think a lot of people fall into and out of it*. Add into it the way people fall into and out of online activity and hobbies such as blogging….
All the conjectural answers that immediately come to my mind as “where” male dom bloggers are lie in stereotypes. I figured the male doms wanted to cultivate a sense of mystery and silent stoicism. Women are accounted to like talking, talking, talking and exhibitionism. *shrug* They’re stereotypes. But then…I think people feel a lot of unconscious pressure to conform to gender stereotypes.
So maybe those stereotypes are really part of the reason. Not so much in that they are true, but in that they affect the ways in which we are inclined to present ourselves (especially when it comes to sex — we want to be attractive). I’m not very enamored of the idea, though.
* The only constant is change, after all. I’ve been interested in BDSM as long as I can remember. As a kid, if a heroine in a book was kidnapped by villains and tied up, it used to excite me. I went through all this mental anguish about it as I got older. My dad was abusive, so it seemed really *sick* for me to be turned on by male dominants. I always fantasized about it, but I was 25 before I ever met someone willing/able to indulge me in those fantasies. He was kind of a jackass, ultimately, but nevertheless it was a very good experience for me overall. Finally getting to do those sorts of things helped me break through whatever psychological barrier had always kept me from having orgasms with other people around. But after I broke it off with that guy…it’s been another 3 years (mostly) without that sort of play. And I haven’t been on a BDSM blog in all that time. I found this site while idly googling hoping to find some of the ones I used to read. I doubt most of them are still around! I’m sure more blogs than not suffer from this sort of thing — changes in relationships, changes in habits, changes in jobs… Blogs that keep regularly posting for more than a year and draw an audience are in the EXTREME minority! Still…
I think there’s a few factors. The first is that I know a lot more girls than guys who blog. Most of the guys I know who blog want to be writers – they either are actively chasing writing as a career or they’d love to be able to switch to writing as a career. There are certainly exceptions, and it’s probably tinted some by the demographic makeup of my friends – but it holds true.
The diary writing fetish that bleeds into blogging seems much more prevalent among my female friends – in that I know lots of girls with no interest in ‘being a writer’ who blog – because they’ve always kept a diary – and it’s a natural extension of that to keep a blog.
My next thought is that certain personality types are over represented among Dominant Men. Those personality types – the machismo / manly man’s man cliche doesn’t associate as commonly with bloggers. Clearly there’s some cross over – but I know lots of guys who I’d never see as dominant/toppy men who blog, and lots of Dominant/Toppy guys who drink beer and play with power tools and watch action movies who wouldn’t think of writing some kind of diary as a relaxation measure.
Also – while it’s by no means as dramatic as it was when I first started playing – younger men – the more likely male group to be blogging – are typically at a bit of a disadvantage as Dominant men and I think a lot of younger dominant oriented guys just don’t bother pursuing kink until they get a bit older – because it’s too much hassle. Lots of bottoms won’t play with a younger male dominant and lots of tops won’t take them seriously as people – it’s frustrating and a pretty good incentive to shelve your interest in kink, or at least put it on the back burner and maybe come back to in when you’re a bit older. An interest on the back burner.
Dominant men also live and die on their reputation if they’re scene active and like to play with girls. With a good reputation, a dominant guy is well regarded and well received – but it really doesn’t take much to change that and have that guy become a pariah. Saying the wrong thing in a blog post is a great way to go from social butterfly with lots of friends and play partners to that skeezy creep who no-one wants to play with or around.
There’s also the whole audience development thing. It takes a particular voice to as a guy, develop an audience that’s either not pure kink community (my fetlife.com blog posts get way more traffic than my blogger site) or pure pornography. It’s easy (and kind of pointless) to end up just preaching to your friends on a kink site or being read by horny punters who like literary porn. Blogging guys get better audience responses from comedy/sports/technology writing then sex writing and for many of us – blogging is about the audience validation.
I’m sure those aren’t the only contributing factors – and I’m equally sure that there’s no one thing – but lots of little things that swing it – but those are the big things that I’ve noticed.
It’s tough to be someone who can justify being a woman and blog against masculinity. I’m glad that you don’t do it and most of your website actually does. But male blogging is as you said, unneeded cause everyone feels that it is already known in society.
But it is fun to poke fun back at the people.