Yes! It’s another entry featuring postcards from PostSecret, an online community art project to which people send postcards featuring a secret they’ve never told anyone. I’ve been reading PostSecret for a loooong time, and I’m uncertain when I began saving postcards, so I can’t date these images. I think these two are both pretty recent, though.
I published a piece last year called A Unified Theory of Orgasm, which detailed my experiences figuring out how to orgasm. For a long time, being unable to “get there” was the most toxic secret I had, and it weighed on me. And I believe this is a depressingly common experience. I never contemplated suicide because of the orgasm thing, but I can imagine how and why someone would. It feels like a failure, and it feels like you’re missing out on what’s supposed to be a transcendent experience, and sometimes it feels like you can’t even share it with your partner for fear of making them anxious.
I also think some folks may underestimate the lengths to which people will go to “cure” orgasmic “dysfunction.” As I wrote in A Unified Theory of Orgasm, when I was still figuring my stuff out, my gynecologist recommended me to a place that charged literally $1,500 for an initial consultation. (The place in question has been criticized for contributing to ideas that differences in orgasm should be “medicalized” — i.e., reduced to categorizable symptoms and pills — which is arguably impossible and even harmful. Such topics are explored further in the documentary Orgasm, Inc.)
What really kills me about all this orgasm agony is something I learned only after I’d figured out how to come: orgasms aren’t my favorite part of sex. Who knows … maybe someday I’ll do some serious tantra, and experience one of those five-hour orgasms they’re always on about, and get my mind blown. But right now, all I know is that when I finally started being able to have orgasms regularly, my feeling was basically: oh … is that it? I realized that I’d already had sexual experiences that were way more mind-blowing than an orgasm — and that they came from just following what felt good; from exploring my boundaries; from reveling in the connection to my partner, rather than focusing on mechanics and goals. I understand, however, that others may have really different experience with this. As always, everyone is welcome to share experience in the comments.
(Please note that there are many PostSecret books available for purchase, including A Lifetime of Secrets, and Extraordinary Confessions From Ordinary Lives, and Confessions on Life, Death and God, and others.)